Dan Marino is a former professional football quarterback. He now lives in Jupiter, Florida, and is close friends with Dignan. He is allegedly not a good husband, as all he knows is football. He is sexually triggered by the concept of tiger sharks, and his wife allegedly tried putting on sandpaper skin and a fin in bed, although it did not work. Despite this, he is not attracted to the sharks themselves.
Dan's wife is named Tripsy.
Dan's daughter, Kelsey, attends Brown College in Providence, Rhode Island.
Dan's youngest son is named Tambourine, although his family often refers to him as "Tambourino", as a portmanteau of Tambourine and Marino.
